Written by Freya Waring, J-1 Exchange Student
- Support networks take time to establish.
- In my first couple weeks of class, I felt a strong sense of loneliness that I couldn’t get rid of. Even when I was surrounded by people, out with friends, totally immersed in the culture, I felt like such an outsider. By the time this feeling ebbed, I worked out the reason: despite making friends in San Francisco, I didn’t feel closely bonded with anyone here. There is a significant difference between a friend you can spend time with, and a friend you can emotionally rely on; when you arrive in a new country there will be a time when the only people who fit the latter are thousands of miles away. This is disorienting, and often very sad. My advice would be to keep calling home, stay in contact with the people you are emotionally connected to but also understand that close friendships will build in front of your eyes before you know it. By now I have multiple people in San Francisco I can ask for advice, reach out when I’m not doing well, and know that they feel the same about me.
- Everything is very expensive here.
- I come from Sydney, which is globally considered to be a high-cost city, both in real estate and cost of living. When I planned my budget for San Francisco, I did not account for the fact that many basic costs would be up to twice as expensive as they are back home. Not only is the Australian dollar weak compared to American currency, but you’re not expected to add tax and tip back home: when a meal says it costs $14, you pay only $14. It’s really hard to plan an exchange with one budget in mind and realise you have to adjust your expectations of the things you can afford to do, so don’t make the same mistake I did! Make the most of your free public transport, cook some meals from home (if you don’t already have a meal plan) and look up free events in the city. There will likely be times you have to substitute a movie or a fancy lunch for a little picnic in the park, but there are lots of beautiful things in San Francisco for free.
- Classes can be unexpected.
- I had a relatively free rein of classes to choose from, as I filled up elective spots in my degree requirements. I chose a lot of classes out on a limb, trying to select things that I knew I couldn’t do at home. Without naming anything, the class I expected to like the most is the class I now like the least, and the class I chose on a whim is the one I look forward to every week. I find that the structure of classes varies significantly as well; while back home the priority is more completing large assignments with minimal effort outside, SFSU places significance on attendance, participation and a number of small assignments throughout the semester. As I settle in I find I actually enjoy this layout more, but initially I felt overwhelmed by the amount of work required week by week.
- It is very difficult to find a routine.
- I cannot stress enough how important at least a loose routine is. I moved to the city a couple weeks before class started, and this time aimlessly alone in a new city was some of the most listless, depressed parts of my life. Without anything to fill the large gaps in the day, I would stay at home for long periods of time, feeling as if I was missing out on the world around me. This was mainly remedied as soon as classes started, but I still struggled when I was developing my social life to feel busy. To ensure I kept myself loaded with things to do, I bought a climbing gym membership, joined a club, started cooking for myself, set a movie watchlist and more. Even just having a list of things you would like to see if you have a free day is essential when moving to a new place. You will spend periods of time alone, and it takes effort to feel comfortable doing that.
- Missing home and enjoying your exchange are not mutually exclusive.
- As it gets colder in the Northern Hemisphere and warmer back home in Australia, I have been missing home more and more. It’s hard to spend time away from your loved ones, especially when I see them swimming at my local beaches, going to parties together, performing, eating, drinking and enjoying life without me. I’m still learning that these two feelings can be felt in tandem: the excitement and joy of building a life in a new city, and the ache and pull of my home in Australia. I have not yet found a remedy to this, and as time goes on, I realise that I probably don’t need one. Everything that’s worth it is a little bit hard. There may be times – there certainly have been for me – where you feel as if your life would be easier if you stayed home. Expectations can be unmet, friendships can feel new and terrifying, classes can be hard and sometimes you have to study more than you can have fun. These are the feelings that come from doing hard things, and these are the feelings that will ultimately make your exchange a spiritually fulfilling experience.